i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
