The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
