Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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