We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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