That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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