guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
