I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
