I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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