i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I AM VODKA MAN
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
