Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
