my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
