I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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