I'm so fucking centered right now
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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