i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my shit smells like andre
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
