Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude i'm inner monologue high
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
