i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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