For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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