there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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