He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
