did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
