I wanna passion pit in your ass
I smell stomach acid.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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