no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
