Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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