Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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