This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Someone shit on the floor
we made out on top of his cat.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize