3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
