Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
