My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
