I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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