Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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