is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
