your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
