I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
