Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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