just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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