I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
