I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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