My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
