he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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