I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
