What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
