hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
