i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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