I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
