Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
