all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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