Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
