Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
