if i can run in heels then i can drive
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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