i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
