Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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