I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
