I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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