I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We got so high we made milksteak
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
