The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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