Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
