I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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