Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
