you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
