Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize