the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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