in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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