i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
