U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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