getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
