My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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