So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
