it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this boner is exhausting
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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