my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
