Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
