i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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