yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
