I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i don't like sucking hair
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
