who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
