i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
