i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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