Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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