I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
