i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
