I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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