u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
