sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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