I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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