Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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