I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
