he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
