Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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