Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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