you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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