the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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