remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
