I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I have vodka in my lungs
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
