did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
