I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I love you. Go after that dick
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize